personal journal
03/01/2019
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"You like Alanis??"
"What angry white chick doesn't like Alanis?"
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been down lately. got that 'nobody likes me' tape playing in my head. i really don't like that soundtrack but somehow it's always there on my playlist. fortunately my tape collection is quite expansive, including favorites like 'i have 4 beers left' and 'my kids still love me' and 'medical marijuana's greatest hits.'
i've been doing less facebookin' 'cause it's been bumming me out, though more than it really should. being frank, fb is just another burr in my emotional sock, so i remind myself that fb and other internet communities are no less than miracles; catalysts of evolution. they are neural networks, with hundreds of millions of connected neurons, each one the most complex mechanism that we know to exist; the human brain. that is some powerful mojo. of course, it often manifests itself as videos of cats and adolescents eating detergent, but hey, evolution takes time.
though i feel no great gratification in my own involvement in fb, i wanted to check on a couple things that do often paint a smile, and upon doing so i received the following notification...
"you have been selected as a top fan of Alanis Morissette...' or something like that.
now, i realize on a life scale of things, this is very much cucumber, very little grape (if you don't get this metaphor, then google 'monkey wants grapes,' and if you are not fascinated by this primate behavior than i suggest that you may not be paying attention).
anyway, i'm okay with the cucumber.
some stuff i wrote about Alanis a while back...
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"i don't believe in writer's block. i think there are times when a person should just not write."
Alanis said that. mahaffey theatre, april 28 2015. i make note of the time and place not because of the literary or philosophical impact of the quote itself but because i was there. don't even know if i agree with her, but i think it's interesting none-the-less. i also don't know what context she was speaking in. she was leading into songs with some light stage banter throughout the evening, but i can't remember what song she sang after making this observation.
i love me some Alanis Morissette, and thanks both to my ex-wife's lovely first cousin, who is one of Alanis' managers and looks remarkably like natalie wood, and said ex-wife's willingness to tolerate me for an evening in proximity, i was able to experience the talented canadian songstresses recent concert in st. pete, and from the 3rd row no less.
i have always admired Alanis' work, particularly her passion, honesty and intelligence, which is what i first latched onto upon hearing 'jagged little pill,' however many years ago it was. then i saw her video of 'you oughta know' and i was awestruck. such power and rage and potency in such a small package. and i love women who rock hard, in literal terms and metaphorically. frankly, there are few things that quicken my pulse like a passionate, beautiful, righteously angry woman (so long as it isn't me they're pissed at). add to that her amazing voice and ability she has to lyrically explore her deepest emotional avenues and...dang. she is alla that.
i had seen her perform live once before, at ruth eckerd many years ago, on a complete acoustic revisiting of 'pill' and she was great then too. the show was a larger undertaking, with a full band and all the electronic encumbrance that provides, whereas this recent show was , as advertised, acoustic and intimate. she sat elevated between her two accompanying guitar fellas, with a couple amps flanking and that was pretty much it. and it was plenty. alone, Alanis can fill an auditorium with sound.
one thing i noticed in contrast to what i had seen years ago is that she seemed far more comfortable in her skin and being in the spotlight. i have always felt that there was a stark contrast in her demeanor when she was singing and when not. when she sang, she often appeared to be in a trace, so needing to distance herself from everything surrounding her, and when speaking seemed tense and overly conscious of every word. this show, she was at ease and eloquent and funny.
it can't be easy when a performer realizes the impact that they can have on their audience, especially when they are sensitive and empathetic people. there must be an enormous feeling of responsibility, a fear of, or desire to not let those that love you and admire you down in some way. such is her world i imagine. so many people, and especially women, adore her. there were shouts of 'i love you' and 'we love you' at every silent moment between songs from every part of the small but packed theatre. one wonderful moment of interaction during the show happened as one vocal young lady shouted out 'we love you!' to Alanis as she sipped on her water bottle.
she looked down as she spoke, as is her way, and said matter-of factly, "i love you."
"we love you more!" another fan, this time male, yelled out.
She smiled, wiped water from her mouth with her wrist, and said sweetly, shaking her head, "no. you may buy me more presents, but..." and on it went.
she was charming, and humble, and simply amazing.
my favorite moments were her singing a song i hadn't heard before about her son, perhaps called 'guardian', which made me tear up, and her finishing the show with 'thank u,' which is my favorite song of hers and maybe the greatest song ever written.
my ex teases me about my fan-crush on Alanis. she taunts me with, "she's married, you know." as i speak glowingly of her artistry and visage.
"nobody's perfect."
~end
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