A Draining Day
too personal journal, 03-30-2019
today was kind of tough. not OMG tough, just roller-coaster draining.
In an effort to de-hoard my house and regain some semblance of human dignity, Junk Haul Joe stopped by and we loaded up the truck and he moved to Beverly. okay, probably not Beverly. I'm guessin' he went to the dump. anyway, had to throw away stuff i didn't want to. like, really bad didn't want to. Among these, my baby changing table, with scratches of kid graffiti and stickers and memories of explosive bowel movements. The bonding on that beautiful white platform, hazy dreams in a foggy brain too sleep deprived to store acute memories and fully appreciate. f*k. Also their baby chairs, with names and cherubs elegantly hand-painted along the backs, one which is now inaccurate. f*k.
in the chaos of structural regurgitation, i found treasures. old hand-drawn cards with messages of love, art class sculptures greatly over-stating my parental acumen, cd's burned for me by beloved friends (some gone forever), old music books that i had forgotten about, each having taught me something meaningful and wonderful. with so many items triggering memories, so many windows opened up inside me it left me weeping.
fortunately, Junk Haul Joe was a bit late, and i was able to find some solid footing well in advance of his arrival, else it would have been a bit... embariskin' (to put it in Popeye perspective).
After JHJ left, i hustled to subway to pick up my daughter, who before she clocked out, made me a 12" tuna sub with BBQ tater chips on it, spinach (more Popeye), 'maters, 'n extra nana peps. nothing better than your kids making you something to eat (and giving you the employee discount).
we had a sweet little talk about joy and fear of parenting on the short drive before i dropped her off at home. i really do have amazing kids, each in their own wonderful myriad ways.
drove to curaleaf to pick up some mojo lube and once again left empty-handed (okay, i know using the word lube and handed in the same sentence may create untoward imagery, but i assure you it's a metaphor), which has happened many times lately. love the people that work there, but the company is really screwing my pooch (and i don't have a dog). However, my boy Big Jake over at c-leaf pointed me to Trulieve and off i went. Hadn't been there before, but my new boy Chris, found (or made) a way to discount me so that i could afford what they had. this made me very happy. in conversation and equal regard, i offered him information about Audacity, a free and stable open-source audio mixing and recording program. this made him happy. now I'm 3.5 grams heavy 9-pound hammer. that doesn't make any sense.
now I'm home, alone as ever, mojo lubed, blue point toasted lager in hand, and ready to suck up some streaming video. Second season of 'Happy!' and 'American Gods' is goin' on, found a new show called 'Hanna' that's really cool, was half way through a movie called 'Legion' when i started this entry, so i got that to finish, and lots more stuff to distract me from mitch mcconnell and onald rump and the fact that i haven't had sex in a fucking decade. that doesn't make sense either. non-fucking decade. better.
***
|
|
