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Welcome Who I is... My name is Joshua Israel Kaplan. Born in Jersey, raised in Philly, currently living and driving 10 miles below the limit in the hammer-lane behind a honda crv full of bald people and large hats from virginia ('cause, y'know, virginia is for not knowing which pedal is for gas, or something like that), in Florida. For a very long time, i operated under the assumption that i was the most awesome of all the josh kaplans. of course i did. who named me played air guitar, rod hockey, and shortstop better than i? nobody me who, that's who. then came google. what an eye opening experience that was. not only am i not the most awesome of all the josh kaplans in the world, i'm not even top 5 at the supermarket. on a monday. at 9am. ...in Lost Springs, Wyoming. so let me start by telling you some of the me's that i'm not... I'm not... the smiling chubby me always holding a plant, and certainly not the me on the road to redemption. also not the realtor who specializes in the sale of multifamily properties and development sites throughout the Los Angeles Metropolitan Area, or the Head of Audience for Tab Media overseeing social growth and audience strategy, nor the radio personality you can listen to on Sundays from 1-5, and when he isn’t on air, find him handing out prizes at 97.7 WCTY, Norwich Connecticut's Country Oasis. I'm also not... the author/composer of the cd Down Is The New Up including the songs, Good Choice, What's Missing, There's Gotta Be, Lemmings, Act 2, Would I, Dénouement, Clocks, Someday Some Morning Sometime, Good Riddance, and Mr. Brightside. i've named my imaginary cds 'i like cornbread,' and 'flub.' a third is in the works, called 'live from my bedroom,' with special appearances by some hot wheels and a brock samson figure. the crickets can't wait. and again, not... the writer and director, known for River Greaser (2014), Momma Rig (2015) and Closure (2016), nor the attorney who's prowess lies at the intersection of tax and corporate law. and i'm DEFINITELY not... the Assistant Professor of Behavioral Neuroscience at Western Washington University, or the Principal Investigator and Professor of Neurobiology at Harvard Medical School's Department of Molecular Biology, or the author and narrator of Political Theory: The Classic Texts and Their Continuing Relevance, (2005) and The People and the Ballot: A History of American Political Parties (2007), who received the Frank O'Malley Undergraduate Teaching Award in 2006, the Kaneb Awards for Excellence in Teaching in 2006 and 2000, also Notre Dame's Rev. Edmund P. Joyce, C.S.C. Award for Excellence in Undergraduate Teaching in 2016 and 2009, and even the Dockweiler Award for Excellence in Undergraduate Advising in 2012. 'smatter of fact, i am SO not one of those guys someone should punch me in the mush just for having the same name. several times, punchee punchee. i know my mom wants to. wait a minnit... maybe that's why my face has historically had a magnetic attraction to fists... hmmm... nomenkarma... the me i am is a dad, artist, cartoonist, musician (unless you're like some accomplished cellist or opera singer, then i'm a guy that beats up a wood box with strings on it), writer, sometime poet, picker, grinner, lover, sinner, joker, smoker, midnight toker... wait... am i speaking on the pompatous? (i do really love peaches) Thank you for checking out my shiz. *fist bump |
KapNewz Aug-Sept 2019 08/29 - posted short story 'A Gift For Petal' on the KapWordz page |